When I came back 11 days ago, you’d think my recovering experience might be linear. It isn’t. Here I am, eleven days in and last night was my first deep-sleep.
Of course, you may well ask, what’s gone wrong? Or would it be clearer if one just asked, what happened? Let’s take a step back and think about my experience.
Hallucinations a go-go
I shared with one of the guys in my ward as we were recovering and on the journey back. What we agreed on was that the nightmares and hallucinations on the run up to hospitalisation for severe CoVid19 pneumonia continued. Inevitably, I suppose, with such a varied and challenging attack on immune systems, many people may experience different things.
For example, when I returned home the broken sleeping, strange dreams and disorientation continued. At times I charge through weird scenarios and crazy places. I can’t say such things terrified me, perplexed is a better word. However, they had a capacity to unsettle and break up proper restorative rest. However, I kept trying.
And on the eleventh day, recovering
Last night was different. I still had dreams but I guess I’m used to them and they are now more ‘human’ and not so throat clutching. Last night I slept from around 8pm until 7 am with a half-hour in the early morning where I went walk-about. Today I’m still weary but, sitting here, I feel like I bounced off the bottom and started a positive climb towards wellness.
In the press, I have seen writing about recovery. What I read today is interesting and generic. All I have to fall back on is my experience. If I listed it it would look like this:
- Arrive at hospital very ill. Sleep-weird in hospital. Wake disorientated yet able to figure out where I am AND safe. For me it was just a natural part of getting well.
- Return home. Sleep-weird carries on in my case for around ten days with broken, confused sometimes sweaty patches of sleep. No undisturbed rest.
- Continuous tiredness means climbing back into bed and broken sleeping for chunks during the day. Usually never more than one – two hours at a time.
- In my head I simply accepted the state as natural and something to be worked through. There is so much scary speculation in the press and rumination about mental health problems downstream – how unhelpful – I saw sad, sad things of course, I don’t have to dwell on them. I also saw uplifting things and wonderful caring.
- Bottom line, I assume my experience is a natural byproduct of where I’ve been and, on the upside as it eases, where I’m heading – recovering, getting well, supporting others.
- I keep climbing into straight backed chairs and working on breathing ever-better. Sure I cough and splutter but I’m clearing a load of stuff. It’s something I can do that helps me.
- Positive attitude goes a long way.
Recovering goes on
I now know it’ll take time and maybe the more so because I’m an older man. However, I don’t care how long it takes I’m simply up for it, no more-no less. I can’t escape my deep rooted affection for the NHS people who cared for me … loved me. Talk about corporate love, WOW!
My recovery goes on as the politicians admit they can’t source enough PPE. How dare they? That is our number one priority – protect the carers – how can it be anything else? The challenge is simply – get every clothing manufacturer in the UK to make PPE. Perhaps there are ways to clean or recycle used stuff. I spoke to an old friend about this he told me how they decontaminated protective clothing at Porton Down. Is there anything there?
Blessings on us all.
© Mac logan
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