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Come into my bathtub said the spider to the guy

It came into my bathtub

A bathtub is a safe place … isn’t it? Does your autopilot kick in-in the morning? Mine does, until my shower is over, things just happen.

The only thing you have to fear is fear itself…and spiders. F*** spiders! Anon

Recently, my autopilot quit early, just like that? There I was, rumbling through my routine and kapow!

Ever heard a grown man scream?

Bathtub SpiderA morning visitor sneaked into my bathtub, unannounced and huge. In fact the biggest spider I’ve seen in the UK.

Imagine, you reach round the curtain, turn on the shower, put your foot in the bathtub, and something scurries over your toes.

What would you do? I actually grunted my surprise. My knee nearly hit my jaw as my foot jerked away. Next, I wobbled on one leg and, hopping backwards, almost sat on the sink.

Whadda f*** was that?

With my tootsies now safe, I studied the beast. How beautiful. Hairy? Yes. Scary? Yes, I didn’t really want to cuddle it.

My first thought after getting clear? Save it. It may sound daft, and that’s what I did.

I put the bath mat over the bath and gently nudged it forward with a toothbrush handle. Once on the material, it shot halfway up — its speed of movement, stunning.

I picked up the bath-mat and gently shook it off. It darted under the sink, vanishing back into its twilight world where, I assume, it eats ten times its weight in annoying flies and such, getting bigger all the time.

Can anyone tell me (someone told me a while back, but I’ve forgotten:

  • what sort of spider it is, and,
  • if they bite

Please share.

It’s big, you say?

spider nozzleConsider this bathtub picture? The nozzle is approximately 6.5 – 7.0 cm across.

Okay, it’s no tarantula, but it’s big enough for me.

Now, on the other hand, if I was on a camping trip …

Camping trip?

Come into my bathtup… and this happened, I think I might run faster than Usain Bolt.

Would I scream? Undoubtedly. Would I feel silly? Not at the time.

Whatever the provocation, please remember, a spider’s worth saving. Who cares if arachnids have millions of eyes, hairy legs and make your skin crawl.

Save yourself a spider

Apart from being fantastic predators, they tend to go about minding their own business.

In fact, they want to escape from our presence quick as they can.

Thus, even though I hid through half of the screening of Arachnophobia.

The moral of this tale is clear: be kind to arachnids …

At least as long as they’re not hiding down a loo you’re using in Australia.

© Mac Logan

This Post Has 6 Comments

  1. allthoughtswork

    Completely awesome post and the first one I’ve seen on here that emphasized compassion and glass jars over heavy objects and Raid.

    I love da spidies. I call them my employees. I leave my sliding door open like a barn door every morning when I wander out into the garden with The First Coffee of the Day because I know the employees will take care of any six-legged immigrants.

    Now for some serious shit: That looks an awful lot like a Hobo spider, so watch your ass and get that glass jar handy.

    1. Mac Logan

      Thanks for the information and your interest. Here, in East Scotland, big spiders are survivors. I’m happy for the big guy to stay hidden, eat interlopers and will set him free if he becomes more of an irritant.

      I expect our climate may be much like the Pacific Northwest. I visit Seattle occasionally. In fact it is part of the backdrop for my second book, DarkArt.

      1. allthoughtswork

        Oh, yes, we have the noticeable flavor of Scottish spice here in Portland. Our Highland Games were a few weeks ago. There are several Utilikilt stores in town and you occasionally see a beefy, hairy leg sticking out from under one at all times of the year. Once, I saw a father and his two young sons (8-12 years old) sporting them together in a grocery store. Full, reddish beards abound–but that could just be the hipsters.

        Only one problem: not nearly enough actual first general Scotsmen. We have the affectation but not the music, I don’t HEAR the music of that voice nearly as much as I’d like. I have to get my fix watching Ewan McGregor on You Tube.

        1. Mac Logan

          I have been around your neck of the woods, but not the forests and the land where you blog so well. Of course, I speak like a Scot. You’ll get an example here There are more around.

          When I was in Seattle a few years back I wore the kilt to a friend’s event. I discovered that there’s a beer produced in the Pikes Place Brewery called Kilt-Lifter. Not a bad drop either.

  2. Monika

    Loved this funny post and the fact that you’re an advocate for saving spiders even though you don’t like them! 🙂

    1. Mac Logan

      Thanks for taking the trouble to share . Glad you liked it.

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